How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
