Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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