i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
