i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Drunk is a universal language darling
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
