I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
