dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
