I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
