he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
