At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
