Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
