im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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