My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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