can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
