There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
