i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
