I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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