1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
