I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
