If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
