I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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