she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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