just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
