I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
