So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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