I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
