i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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