You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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