The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
