so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
