Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
