Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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