At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
