so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
