I just threw up on my dentist
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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