Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
