NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
