Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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