Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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