but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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