Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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