Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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