Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
