he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
