i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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