This is not my ceiling
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
