People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize