Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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