when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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