If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
