she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
