Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
