Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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