everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
