My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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