You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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