my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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