dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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