I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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