I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
