Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's never too late to be topless.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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