I need to stop coming to work sober
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
