Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
