i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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