I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
