we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
