Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
