I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
whose parrot is this?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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