I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
