he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize